Heavy is the Crown
by iamrotting
Summary: The years apart from her sister, of forcing herself to become cold and distant to her, feels like an eternity. But one situation has pulled them closer together... much closer than expected. Only, the one thing that stands in their way is the kingdom that knows no love, war, and power. (elsanna/incest) (rated M for explicit content)/ non-beta


_a/n: first time writing fantasy/canon fic - but hopefully this is gonna go well!_

* * *

_"It's getting colder here, Your Majesty." _

_"Stop…" _

_"Don't stop there. Keep her alive and awake. Is the fire still going?" _

_"Stop… it…" _

_"Your Majesty, the fire isn't dimming. It's going well. Shall we proceed?" _

_"N-No… please…" _

_"Into her heart. Slowly." _

_"No… get away from me… GET AWAY FROM ME!" _

_Just the black dagger, coated with the heat of the crimson flames flaring brightly in the castle dungeon, the bare woman screamed at the top of her lungs out of pain. The tip of the metal weapon piercing between her breasts, her skin bubbling and blistering from the contact of the flame on her skin - even from the smallest contact. Her agonized screams echoed through the castle ground like a roar of a mighty dragon, but the man with the knife in question disregarded the intense pain, completely unbothered. _

_The dark crimson fire never diminished, and any process of trying to extinguish the only thing that was torturing her alive was inevitable. The woman writhed in her chains, her glowing blue eyes widened with fear and hurt, and all she could think about was her end coming near. _

_Her screams continued to wail through the castle wall - none of which could be heard outside - and after a short while, she had completely stopped. The men took a moment to observe, seeing that all her limbs had stopped tensing, her eyelids closed, head dropped down like a corpse. One thing that must have crossed their mind was as if they had achieved their goal. Only, this was just the beginning… and, perhaps, it was their beginning to their end._

_"Your Majesty…" _

_"What?" _

_"The flames…" _

_The two men, coupled with a dozen guards, eyed the knife - almost halfway through her body - and its, finally diminishing flames. Slowly, they turned to the brazier behind them, now empty, with eyes as wide as saucers. And as soon as the last drop of the crimson light disappeared, the blackness of the knife was slowly coated in the blue glow that was frost. Her frost. _

_With fear written all over their faces, the men took their steps back, their body stiff and readied in the position to draw their swords. The sight was almost too astounding… too mesmerizing, but for those men, all they could see was danger as the surrounding areas of the dark stone wall cracked and broke with the growing frosts._

_The prisoner's metal chains bristled with the same frost that had covered that knife, still sunk deep in between her breasts. The stone walls that she had been held against trembled and creaked gently like an impending storm was coming near - and it was. In mere moments, outside, the roaring of wind was beginning to sound more loudly, more rapidly than if any dragons were flying up in the air, slamming towards the castle walls. _

_"Your Majesty, we need to get out of here! Now!"_

_It merely took seconds. While the woman stayed unconscious, her own body as light as a feather, chained against the wall, laid completely still. The shaking walls cared nothing for her and for those people that surrounded her trying to escape. The king, in silence, had been forced out of the door, and it was just in time before the weakened walls had suddenly been shattered open with great force of the wind, revealing the face of the storm outside. _

_Screams of peasants, guards, and almost everyone that had lived in this godforsaken kingdom could be heard, but the sight showed nothing but sharp icicles zipping down from the gloomy sky, impaling the dirt ground like a piece of cake, impaling flesh - men, women, children, elders, rich, and poor - without distinction or mercy. Blood rained down in the kingdom like tears of pain. The snow that would once melt upon hitting the ground, had turned into rock solid pieces of ice, shattering like glass upon hitting the surface._

_And as the men escaped through the door, the prisoner was left behind, chained… only, it didn't take long before the cold had weakened the metal and had dropped the woman onto the cold icy ground. _

_Her unconsciousness slowly came to wake, her body weakened from the burns and scars on her body… especially from the knife that was impaled through her heart. Her blue eyes were glazed over, mind scrambling to remember what had happened… and all she could stare at was the storm raging on with all its might and ferocity. The Gods were punishing, and the people must suffer. _

_Although completely bare from clothes, the storm that howled through the busted walls and into the dungeon didn't make the prisoner feel cold at all. Yes, the frigid air was beyond anything she could imagine it being, but it was her cold… and she took comfort in it, no matter how dangerous she knew it was. How uncontrollable the ice and snow that fell to the ground was. _

_Her double sights slowly came into one, and she was able to concentrate on the red banners that whipped in the air violently, blurred from the heavy snow. People were scrambling about. Bodies dropping. Blood. Her own body felt heavy as she laid still on her side… but she was determined to stand. She grunted, her fingers grasping a fist of her own snow from the ground, her legs shifting to support her weight. _

_She looked back to see a couple of men laid lifelessly around her, the walls splattered with their blood and guts - now completely frozen. This was her doing, she knew, but she couldn't care less. They tried to kidnap her. They tried to kill her. They tried to take away the only thing that was protecting her now. _

_She grunted, looking down to see the dagger stuck in her chest like a sore thumb. It hurt. Gods, it hurt so badly… and while she knew she should have died right then and there, it was miraculous she could simply sit on her knees. She hissed, taking the handle in her hand… and without thinking, she started pulling. _

_Her immediate reaction was a gasp, her mouth filled with the metallic taste before she started coughing a handful of blood out on the ground. "Ugh…" Her vision was beginning to blur again the more that knife was being pulled out. And once it had been out, she gazed at her own blood dripping down her abdomen, and then at the now-crimson-colored blade. _

_Unable to even bother looking at it again, she tossed the weapon away, cupping her wound with her other hand. With just a single touch, she shut the wound with her own ice, her body trying its very best to crawl out of the place she had been in for days on end. Everything hurt. _

_She wasn't sure where she was going to go. She wasn't sure if help was ever arriving. She wasn't sure if this storm was ever going to end. But the last place she wanted to be in was that dungeon, knowing that she was going to suffer once more if she stayed any longer. Bare from any clothes, crawling on her raw and bruised knees… she continued on to drag herself away from her prison, not in fear, but the determination to get back home. _

* * *

Dawn was breaking, the sun arising for the pink sky, and in the comfort of her own room, the echoing of crickets and roosters was practically ignored. While the town was getting up, readying themselves with breakfast and going to work, the Queen laid in her own bed, twisting and turning, sweat breaking… and while the warmth of the sun was slowly leaking into the room, the air was ice cold.

With an immediate gasp, though, the Queen had woken up from her slumber, her body jolting as she sat up. Her heart was racing - almost aching. Her widened eyes stared into a daze at her comforter, her hand clenching onto her own thumping chest. When she expected a few tears to fall down her cheeks, all she noticed were a few crystals of ice laid on her lap.

For the past few weeks, she had been having nightmares, and this was one of those days. She swallowed, feeling cold sweat drenching her face… and slowly, she ran her fingers through her own hair, trying to calm herself down. It was nearly time to get up… but now, she knew she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep any longer.

Swallowing, she gazed down at her collared shirt and shakily peeled it open with one hand. With her chest barely exposed, she eyed the nasty scar, the size of her own hand, tattooed right between her breasts. She was silent for a while, running her fingers down the scar… wincing and jerking her hand away as if it hurt to touch.

No… sometimes, it did hurt to touch.

As much as she wanted to push back the memories so far down, she still remembered the day she had been taken. Tortured. Escaped with just the simple desire to survive. It changed her. Everything changed her. She still got the feeling of that knife burying itself down her chest… still felt the sensation of the fire - and she recalled it being more than just bright red. It was dark. So dark. She would have thought it was black. Oh, she remembered it so clearly.

She sighed to herself, clamping her shirt closed, shutting her eyes against her own heel of her palm. She took a few moments to gather herself, noticing that her room was actually freezing cold - she would always take a few moments to notice it because she never understood what it meant to be bothered by the cold - and only the sight of frost coating her walls would grab her attention. With a single wave of her hand, she made sure all the frosts around the walls had slowly dissipated in the air -

"Elsa?! Are you alright?" The door quickly flung open, prompting the Queen to jolt. Nightmares like this needed a bit of time for her to recover from, but her little sister never really got that concept in mind.

The gleaming red hair of hers continued to contrast wonderfully with the sunshine, and Elsa watched as her little sister slowly come prancing up to her, her arms held around her waist, looking around her four walls. "Wow, is it cold in here or what?"

Elsa shut her eyes, wringing her fingers together. "I'm okay. I had the windows open last night," she responded emptily. Luckily, she was able to button up in time and get rid of the visible frosts around the room. It was unfortunate, really, that her sister was clueless about what she could do. It was even more unfortunate that, in fact, Elsa had to keep her powers safely in her heart just so she could protect herself and her sister.

Though years had passed since that day… and while there still wasn't a single threat that made its way on land during those upcoming years as she had become Queen of Arendelle, Elsa was still cautious. And she was cautious enough that she decided that it would be best not to be so close to her sister. Only… now that their parents had passed from an unfortunate accident, all she knew was to at least take care of the only person that was her family.

But it was true… a lot of things had changed. Her royal sister was more mischievous than she had remembered her being.

Especially, gazing up and down her sister's green dress, seeing it covered in dirt, Elsa coldly looked at the redhead. "Anna, where did you go last night?"

The girl blinked, scoffing. "What are you talking about? I was here all night long. Are you sick?"

Elsa wasn't having it. But before she could say anything, Anna's hand was placed on her forehead. The touch always surprised Elsa. She never allowed Anna to touch her in fear that her powers would come to attack her. But after their parents' death, knowing that she needed to be there for Anna, she was a little more lenient on the rules. Right now, as much as she had wanted to lean into Anna's touch, her body reacted differently.

She grasped Anna's wrist and pulled away. "I'm okay," she stated. "And I know you're lying. What did you do?"

Anna was silent, looking away. The heavy silence was enough to confirm that Anna had been out doing mischief. Anna was lucky she was a princess or else the punishment would have been a lot worse - only, Elsa never had much courage to punish her sister. They had both experienced trauma enough… but sometimes, there were things that a queen couldn't let go.

"Anna, what did you steal?" she growled.

The redhead immediately snatched her wrist away. "None of your business." The change in tone immediately sent Elsa in a whiplash. Still, she stayed in bed where she was, and although she gave no expression of anger, her words had shown it all.

"Do you want guards with you at all times when you go out? I will do that."

"Elsa, you never cared!"

"I'm caring now, aren't I?" she growled back, stretching her hand forward. "Give me what you stole, little sister. Now."

With a huff, Anna didn't move until Elsa arched a threatening eyebrow. She reached into the pocket of her dress and pulled out a gold necklace. "Happy now?"

Quickly examining the object, Elsa closed her fingers around it. "Do you do this because you want to be entertained by other people's suffering?"

"W-What -"

"You're a princess, Anna. Act like it. What would Father have said -"

"PAPA ISN'T HERE!" she yelled, fingers rounded in fists by her sides. Elsa had always known her sister would often raise her voice to get what she wanted, but every moment that Anna had done it to her was almost just as shocking as Anna's touch on her own. Merely staying quiet was the hardest part, but she knew Anna had suffered just as much as she did from the King and the Queen's death.

It had been seven years. It was time to move on, but her little sister was still young, so who could blame her?

"You… You don't care, Elsa… You're a queen, so what? All you care about is controlling me… 'Anna, don't do this', 'Anna, don't do that'. Stop trying to act like you own me!"

"Anna."

"You're a queen… but when have you ever been my sister? The sister that I wanted you to be? What _happened _to you?" Her voice broke, and with each word coming out of her trembling lips, all Elsa could feel was the sense of torture. Yet, knowing after all the hurt and suffering that they had both endured throughout the years, Elsa really wanted to give Anna the opportunity to yell at her as much as she wanted - as much as it was deserved.

Anna was right on one thing. She was never a sister. She was just another authority living in the same castle.

Gazing down at her hands, all Elsa muttered was, "Anna…"

"You don't deserve to wear Papa's uniform. If you're like this to me… because you don't love me… or because you don't care, you don't deserve to wear it."

As soon as Elsa had picked her head up, her sister had rushed out of the door, leaving it open. The fact was, she knew some of the things that Anna had said was true, but taking it to heart wasn't going to do either of them good.

More often than not, they would argue about the littlest things, spanning from the food they ate to the clothes they had to wear. Sure, those were sisterly arguments, but no sister would ever go to insult their position of authority or how she really felt. And Anna did just that.

Still, Elsa never tried taking it to heart. Her coldness was the result of being taken prisoner at seventeen. Now she was twenty-four with a reputation to hold up, and being a good role model for the children in the kingdom. Everyone took her coldness as being almost too regal every time she visited the people, but behind closed doors, Elsa and Anna knew how they were like to each other. But even then… they weren't even sure how they should act towards each other, considering sometimes they would act as family… friends… but, especially, strangers.

She knew she shouldn't fault herself for how Anna had become, but she couldn't help but think… it would just be so much easier to tell her baby sister what kind of person she really was. Perhaps then, Anna would retract her statement, saying that their father's uniform didn't deserve to be worn by her.

As the morning continued to rise, Elsa had finally dressed up for the morning, running her fingers through her hair to give herself a more tidy look. Oddly… after repeating those hurtful words that Anna had said to her in her head, Elsa was beginning to feel the burn against the skin between her breasts again. _If only I could tell you… _

The woman sighed, walking out of her own bedroom, wearing the same uniform that Anna despised seeing her wear.

The halls weren't usually empty at this time of day, but she supposed her servants would need to have days off as they had been working in the castle tirelessly through and through. Elsa wasn't always big on breakfast, but… after what had happened, the best she could do was come out and meet Anna. At least… apologize to her.

Only, once she had reached the dining hall, the long table's only occupants were the utensils for the sisters.

"Oh! Well, good morning, Your Majesty. Breakfast, maybe?" one of the head servants, Gerda, came chirping happily to her when entering the dining hall after her.

Elsa merely shook her head, her expression the same as ever. "Where is Anna?"

"Mm… The Princess seemed to have wandered off as usual. Not sure where."

"Wandered off? Did she go out again?"

"Well, I suppose so. Did she do something wrong?"

Elsa immediately tossed the golden necklace towards her servant. "She snuck out and stole this from the jewelry shop last night. Return it to them, whichever shop it was, and make sure to compensate for any other losses. Write them a formal apology as well."

The demands had made Gerda freeze in her spot for a bit to take everything in. "Oh, Elsa…" the older woman sighed, clenching the object towards her chest. "You shouldn't be so hard on your sister."

_What? _"I -" She paused in contemplation, the words stuck in her throat, her cheeks flushed. She had always known she was somewhat hard on Anna, but she needed to do so because she was the older sister, and for someone who Elsa considered her as a mother to say that she shouldn't be too hard… had quickly made Elsa take a few steps back. "I'm not. She did the wrong thing, this is me taking responsibility for it."

"Yes, you are. You are doing it as a queen."

Elsa could retort, but who was she to go against what Gerda said after years of taking care of her like she was Elsa's very own mother? Still, her face was feeling the heat of her own shame and ferocity. "That's who I am," she responded with that instead, her gloved fingers pressed into her own palm.

Gerda had sighed again, placing her hand on Elsa's shoulder. "Yes, my Queen. But your sister doesn't see it that way."

"What does that have to do with her stealing and causing trouble?"

She sighed. "Elsa, you're her sister, and it should be you who needs to do what's best for her without trying to discipline her. I know it's hard, but don't you realize she's doing these things for a reason?" The older woman raised her eyebrows, daring the queen to give a suggestion that they both knew Gerda wouldn't listen to. Elsa always thought discipline would make her sister learn to not make another mistake but… it seemed like it wasn't the case. She had always tried to be more like her father and mother, taking what she had learned from them to take care of her sister. Perhaps… it was Elsa that misunderstood what their parents had taught her and did the completely wrong thing.

While Elsa stayed as silent as a mouse, Gerda squeezed her shoulder. "You might be able to find her in the study. Or, she could be talking to those paintings. She couldn't have gone far. Do you want to bring her breakfast as well?"

Surely, Elsa couldn't stay too cold. She felt bad, really, even if it was just a bit. There were times where she didn't even realize how harshly she was treating Anna because she was so consumed by her own fear. Nodding, she watched Gerda's smile widened before leaving to get her a silver tray with the various foods that the chefs had cooked up for breakfast.

Walking along the hall wasn't easy. The violet colored four walls that stretched through the west wing was almost too blinding. But maybe it was the fact that Elsa just simply couldn't stop thinking about what to say that, in order to distract herself, she had been concentrating too hard on the walls.

Oddly, her footsteps and the clinking of utensils on the tray were echoing on the carpet as well. Maybe her ears had gone bad too -

"... Papa, I miss you…"

The Queen stopped in her tracks, her attention turning to the door of her own study. She would have thought that Anna would be in her own room, but… seeing that there was a small gap opened between the door and the doorframe, Elsa leaned her back against the wall and looked inside.

There, she noticed the girl standing in front of the painting of their father, standing tall and regal. There was something about this, seeing Anna talking to a painting that wasn't Joan de Arc, but their father for once that squeezed Elsa's heart. Oh, how she longed to be in that room… how she longed to say sorry a thousand times. She couldn't. Not ever.

She glared at the tray, her lips pursed together. She listened to the birds' chirp outside with the window just right across from her, watching the sun gleamed in all its glory above the clouds. But most of all, she listened to her sister.

"Papa… what do I do? What am I supposed to do? I don't act like a princess, but Elsa expects me to. I can't be what you've always wanted me to be… and Elsa was able to become the very best of you. The way she talks… sometimes it reminds me of you, but sometimes, she could be so cruel.

"What am I supposed to do…? How can I be her sister when she can't even be my own? I wish you could come back… maybe then, I would have her back as well. I remembered her being so kind and gentle… She used to sneak in chocolate for me. She used to cause trouble with me. She loved me…

"I just - Papa, I'm sorry I couldn't… exceed all your expectations. I wouldn't even be fit to be a queen. I'm not jealous of her. I wouldn't even want to be her. I just want my sister. Why can't I have that?"

Leaning against the wall, with her jaw clenched tightly together, Elsa listened to every word her sister had said. The least she could do was open the door and hand Anna her breakfast, but she was as stiff as a board. She wished she could just simply tell Anna who she really was and what she could really do, but a part of her feared that even if she knew… trouble would soon come along to hurt her sister. She couldn't have that. Never.

Taking a deep breath, Elsa slowly pushed the door open, knocking on the surface with her usual pattern. The sound of sniffling immediately stopped when Anna turned, hands clumsily wiping away excess tears. As awkward as this was, knowing that they had had an argument not long ago, Elsa still cared enough to enter the room, placing the tray on the table. "I brought you breakfast." She gazed up at the painting of the regalness of her father and then to her timid little sister. "You didn't eat. I thought you'd be hungry." _Can't I sound less cold? _

Anna didn't say anything. The mere fact that her sister was staring at her so longingly almost shattered Elsa's frozen heart, and it was the last thing she needed. There came a point where Elsa knew she had to be there for her sister, and right now, was one of those situations. Except… after all these years acting cold and almost always confrontational, the act of being warm just seemed so foreign to her.

Still, with much-gathered courage, Elsa stepped towards Anna, hands behind her back. Her eyes were unmoved from her sister's face, still looking as empty as ever. Inside, though, she felt like her whole being was about to burst out of nervousness. _How do sisters interact again? _

"Anna, I'd like to apologize for this morning."

The girl looked away. "What, did Gerda tell you to apologize?"

"I -" _Yes. _"I didn't want to hurt you. I never meant to hurt you. But the truth is there are things… a princess can't do. There are responsibilities a princess has to take. Anna, I was once someone with your title as well -"

"Are you here to _lecture _me or are you here to just bring me breakfast? Thank you for the breakfast, Elsa. You can go -"

"And there are bigger responsibilities that I have to take for you. To protect you. You wouldn't understand, Anna… not yet."

"Then tell me!" Anna yelled, a hand pushing her sister's chest, but Elsa was unmoved from her spot. The same flair of hurt in Anna's eyes glaring at Elsa almost felt like torment, but if she wasn't going to bother seeing… who would? Who would comfort her sister? Who would acknowledge it? "Tell me why you have to be this way. I thought… I thought we were friends. Sisters. _What don't I understand?!" _

At the moment, all Elsa wished was to wrap her arms around her sister, but all she could ever manage to do was take her hand. She knew, even if she had better control of her powers now, she was always still hesitant on letting Anna hold her intimately. Hearing those words come out of Anna's lips confirmed the hurt in her, and yet, all Elsa showed was just a slight sign of pity. On the inside though, she ached and yearned to tell Anna all the things that she could… because now, at least she recognized that Anna was an adult.

"I want to tell you, my dear sister," she began, whispering, her eyes gleaming blue as she gazed down distantly at their held hands. "But I never have the heart to hurt you. I could never do that to you."

Just like that, Anna's expression softened. "So it is me, after all."

"Anna -"

She sniffled, shaking her head with a tight smile on her face.

Despite telling herself she couldn't hug Anna, the Princess did exactly what she couldn't do. With her warm body wrapped around her own all of the sudden, all Elsa did was freeze on her spot. Her eyes immediately caught light with the painting of her father, and for a moment… all she wished for was for forgiveness from her parents. Forgiveness from her sister.

Her arms awkwardly hung around her sides before Elsa took the courage to look down. Anna had always been the most intimate person - always needing physical contact, always wanting validation… and Elsa never could give her both. _At least… just give her this. _

With one hand, she placed it on her shoulder, shutting her eyes. "There are things that you mustn't know so I could protect you. I'm sorry for my harsh tone earlier… I know I could never be in the place of Mother and Father, but I always wanted what's best for you. You can hate me, you can put curses upon me, but I have my reasons to do the things that I do for your best interest."

"I just want my sister…" was Anna's simple, quiet response.

It tugged on Elsa's heart, really. "I know. But we can't always have everything for ourselves," she said coldly, "One day you'll know the truth, Anna. One day." _And when you do… you'll hate me for it. _


End file.
